Chinese Work Ethic Sunny Fong

Men's fashion carnage etcetera in all its naked glory…

Tag: Oscars

Hey Oscars

Well, at least I got a free meal and some wine out of it. But this is what I think of the Oscars:

I don’t know if I’m just getting more impatient or becoming more heterosexual but I definitely choose the Superbowl over this piece of ass-kissing shit. I think it will be a long time before I watch another awards show.

“Fun” Academy facts:
Out of the 5,765 Academy voters, 94% are male, 77% are white and the median age is 62. In 2011, only 5% of directors are female and not one black male actor was asked to present. Out of the 43 people who sit on the board, only one person is non-white and female. Very sad.


Why do I even bother with the Oscars?

I finally watched the Oscars last night after a few years of just not caring. I rather utilize my free time to watch the actual films (btw, I want my 2 hours and $6 back from the makers of The Social Network). A friend BEGGED me to join her as she need “someone to bitch with” and boy, did I deliver? Being a dedicated civil servant, community worker and a purveyor of the arts with years of diversity and leadership training, I sometimes find that I’m even offending myself during an awards show broadcast. I’m an equal opportunity offender. I think my poor friend chose the wrong gay guy to ogle the gowns and flap my flimsy wrists around to every cheesy montage. I warned her that I wasn’t the right homosexual to watch this with. I mean, have you seen my blog, girlfiend? See? I can’t even use “girlfriend” without it sounding ridiculously contrived.

There were a few things working for her:
– James Franco could be covered in his own shit and talking about his sister’s pregnancy for the entire 3 hours and and I’d avoid blinking
– I do love like fashion
– I can provide a quick witty remark for every minute detail
– I was going to being Harvey’s (albeit I ate it all myself in the end)

But the odds were against her from the beginning:
– I despise most musicals except for Hedwig
– I can’t stand Anne Hathaway
– I hate most celebrities
– I hate most women
– I hate most men
– I hate most white people
– I hate most films
– I studied film but avoided watching older movies or classic cinema
– I routinely obsess over 3 or 4 foreign or indie movies a year (I still haven’t seen Schindler’s List or Star Wars)
– I think my Chewbacca impression is dead-on
– I’m racist

What’s worse is that she changed the venue to a neighbour in the same building and they had kids. I certainly don’t like hanging out at places where I can’t use the n-word freely (ironically, of course). You should’ve seen their looks when I said Jennifer Hudson needed some English-speaking lessons. Oh come on, it was a joke!

I went out with a film industry friend of mine the other night for a drink and in the middle of talking about some recent documentaries I was passionate about, he said “it’s quite strange that you feel this connection to these stories [on film]. It’s surprising because you portray yourself as such a misanthrope.”

Well, I applauded and smiled when the awards for Best Documentary and Best Documentary Short were presented so yes, I have some feelings. As well, I was ecstatic to see PS22 (no, those weren’t “retarded kids” so don’t make me come after you) as I’m a huge fan. So there you go. A nice ending to an otherwise seething evening of racial epithets, insults and passing judgments on famous assholes that I will never meet.

Next up, I’ll cover Vanity Fair’s party at the Sunset.

Tea Length

Hide your kids, hide your wife…

The 2010 Blah-cademy Awards

Didn’t see it. Didn’t care. Really no interest in sitting through awards shows anymore unless I know there’s going to be a fuck-up a la Britney. I might tune in for a Radiohead and/or Bjork performance but other than that, SNOOZERS as my lovely friend Liz would say.

Perused the men’s fashion at the Oscars today and thought I’d post a few highlights…

My friend was recently obsessed with watching the Olympics. And each time I went over to visit, I saw Ryan Reynolds 50 bazillion times promoting Vancouver tourism. He looked scruffy, hot and dirty. Like a well-dressed mountain man who probably has a giant dick, beautiful hairy thighs and cooks a mean weiner and beans over the fire. This just makes him look like the smooth, wannabe fratboy Van Wilder that he started his career as. Don’t like the clean-cut look, Ryan. Where’s that Canadian edge, man? I’d still hit it of course.

These two look like they got their suits from my grade 9 athletic formal.

Jason Bateman is the kind of guy that looks like he’d be soooooo boring in bed and drive the same car he did when he first moved to LA to appear more “real” but in reality, he’s into pissing on you in the shower, owns a lot of leather jackets and wants you to eat cereal off his dick for fun. I love him.

Gerard Butler was apparently hot in 300 but the more public appearances he makes, the more he looks like a serial killer. Look at those glassy eyes! This whole post should be renamed “ugly men I’d get with anyway because I’m slutty.”

Zac Efron attending the Oscars is like when your boss shows up to your Friday night bbq for coworkers, assuming he was invited anyway. Awkwaaaaaaaaard. I know it’s a PR move but Lorenzo Lamas knew to stay home.

I didn’t know Antonio Bandares was currently shooting a biopic about Saddam Hussein.

I am probably the only person out there who doesn’t think Robert Downey Jr. is this amazing actor. He’s so obnoxious. This whole get-up is obnoxious. He looks like a less obnoxious Elton John.

I forgot who this is but he looks damn fine. For his body type, he chose a very good suit. Perfect amount of cuff, great watch and I love the deep colour of the pocket square.

This is the fancyboy director of The Prophet (a must-see according to a friend from France) and his star. I think the young guy’s silhouette is great and the vest totally works.

One of the actors from The Hurt Locker (loved the movie except for the horribly predictable ending) cleans up well. Yowza.

Chris Pine really can’t do wrong. He could wear a suit made out of Brooke Astor’s skin and I would still fuck him.

Congrats to Tom Ford for having a highly successful men’s line and a potential long-term career in Hollywood. Nominations for his directorial debut. Not bad for a guy who had said that women should just try to take pleasure in fake butterflies on a pair of heels when asked about how to cope after 9-11. A Single Man is next on the list.

How were the women? From what I skimmed, I saw a few hoochies (Mariah Carey) and a few disasters. What I really want to know is if Monique shaved her legs for the big night!

The King and Queen

I knew the Madonna tribute I posted from last night’s VMA’s would get taken down today.

However, some might remember that at the 1991 Oscars attended the Oscars together as a couple hand in hand.

And a keen observer will notice right away that Madonna pays tribute to The King of Pop right in front of him. See if you can spot what she does during the beginning of the performance as a little homage to MJ.

I miss cheeky, slutty, fuck everyone Madonna! Bring that bitch back!

The 81st Blah-cademy Awards..

And the award for the best dressed biatch last night at Hollywood biggest circle jerk goes to:

Alicia Keys in Armani Prive. I’m glad this sista didn’t wear some tacky piece of “I’m from Queens and proud of it” like Beyonce always does at every award show. Yes, we know you’re black. Yes, we know you’ve got long fingernails. Yes, we know you like shiny things. But no, you don’t have to look like what the cast of 227 would wear to church on a Sunday. Alicia looked so good last night… I think it moved.

It was nice to see Amy Winehouse get out of the house.

By the way, do all the designers meet at the top of the Statue of Liberty once a season to consult about what they’re ALL going to do for the Oscars?
This is their chance to do something creative, elegant and unique.. And it seems that everyone wanted to throw together an asymmetrical lacey Mondrian meets melting clocks mess.

Inspirations for this year: lace, blue, ribbons, bands, asymmetry and the plastic table cloths at dim sum.

I think Project Runway actually had an influence on the real fashion houses like Galliano, YSL and Prada. That’s kinda scary! Nice going, Rami. Speaking of which, I haven’t seen the Oscars in years but why was Joan bumped from the pre-show? Tim Gunn is just way too nice to everyone.

Freida Pinto from Slumdog was NOT wearing Oscar De La Renta as originally reported but she was in a lacy, messy John Galliano frock that frankly looked like she purchased it at Kumar’s Indian Bazaar on 25th and 3rd.

Quick fact: Pinto was wearing a 150 year-old Indian diamond.

And co-star Dev Patel, was crazy dapper in a Burberry Prosum suit.

I heard Jessica Biel was running around Fred Leighton trying to figure out what to wear at the last minute. But I think she shouldn’t have listened to her boyfriend’s suggestion to “just wear my penis costume from last Halloween…”

Miley Cyrus, who attended for Bolt , wore a Zuhair Murad “couture” dress constructed by 32 Chinese seamstresses. Her one stipulation for the designer was that the beading had to be pure crystal. I heard that the atelier was so bright from all the crystals shimmering under the studio lights that all 32 Chinese seamstresses had to dress her with their eyes squinted to avoid all the blinding specks of light.

Miley was a good sport though during her final fitting and followed suit by pulling her eyes back with her fingers to block the reflecting lights. She was also heard commenting on how “goofy” all the Chinese workers looked with their squinty eyes.

But on a serious note, who gives a shit who wore what when Slumdog Millionaire won Best Picture!

Jai ho, Danny Boyle! Former ravers everywhere rejoice!

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