jake gyllensomething | Chinese Work Ethic Sunny Fong

Oscar Aftermath

Here’s a quick look at a few of the fellas at the Vanity Fair afterparty hosted by Graydon Carter (Editor).

I’m starting to really like 50 Cent. Kanye’s all in people’s faces but 50 Cent is slowly becoming the much more cooler guy in the background without any identity crises to wax poetic about. Just chillin’.

Tom Ford looked incredibly smart in his one-button velvet jacket in a subtle enough blue to be formal but stand out in the crowd of penguins. This get-up is very him. I think he looks fantastic and I give him the Best Dressed nod.

Inside the Sunset, Jake Gyllenhaal and 50 Cent did some whiskey shots and then apparently performed a mutual jerkoff session in one of the private VIP restrooms. Or at least that’s what my sources say. And when I say sources, I mean my perverted brain.

Speaking of sword fights, doesn’t Anderson Cooper look absolutely giggly next to his hunky boytoy? Listen old guy, you’re kinda killin’ the hot guy buzz here.

Looks like Jude never fixed his bowtie even at the afterparty. Jude is so good looking, he’s one of the only actors who can get away with fucking his nanny and still seem like a really nice guy.

Ya know, it’s really hard to take your usual wardrobe and actually translate it to the Academy Awards. But I’ll give it to the Biebs this time since he has been getting so much hate lately. Abortions shmabortions, Justin!

I’m done with JT. He’s smug, obnoxious and walks around like he’s God’s gift to the arts. I thought he was horrible in The Social Network but I’d still lick his taint. I just want to fuck his mouth so he’d shut the fuck up.

I’m not sure which slut accompanied him (I don’t really look at females all that much) but the top of her dress is very interesting and flattering. I’m mostly jealous that she knows what JT’s cum tastes like. So unfair.

And for the hell of it, here are a few obligatory trainwreck Worst Dressed contenders:

Madonna showed up before heading to her own afterafterparty at her Manager’s home (co-hosted with Demi) looking trampier than her 14-year-old daughter. Big points off for the very un-PC fur detail. Unless it’s made out of Carlos Leon’s pubic hair.

What has Rita Wilson done other than wear tacky expensive clothing all the time and blow Tom Hanks? She is the epitome of celebrity style: tasteless, fake and unoriginal.

It’s the Oscars, not the opening night of a new Persian restaurant.

Joan Collins still looking like a widow who obviously killed her rich husband but no one dares to say anything. 1987 called, Joan.

I don’t even know who this is. Is she from Gossip Girl or that show Glee? Anyway, I just vomited in my own mouth. Hands down, the worst outfit all night.