Chinese Work Ethic Sunny Fong

Men's fashion carnage etcetera in all its naked glory…

Tag: guys with iphones

Guys With IStyle?

I haven’t been to Guys With iPhones in a while. And I certainly haven’t done a review in a while.

The Good

Nothing more stylish than this queen wearing head-to-toe John Galliano. Looks like he’s ready for a night of circuit house though I would think he’d get really hot under those club lights.

Liam here probably has a sketchbook with him at all times and farts a lot when he sleeps but he sure is cute, eh? Get rid of the ironic t-shirts, keep the beard, keep the cardigan and make sure your head is above the covers then we have someone you’ll want to raise black babies with.

Not only is Laquon Marcus Smith from the suburbs of Atlanta stylish and fucking cute, he probably has a science degree and thinks saying the n-word is so 2006. And if you look closely at the bulge in his pants, you’ll see that he has something that definitely makes him boyfriend material: a wallet.

This guy was all symmetrical and now he’s not because of that subtle head tilt that says “I worked 3 straight double shifts at Foot Locker so that I can pay for your fucking serano-stuffed sole. I’m going to wear dis at a really nice restaurant on our anniversary and all the white people in suits can kiss my muthafuckin’ black ass.” SOMEONE is getting a blowjob in the Escalade on the way back to the crib. So hot.

Ya know, surprisingly the only problem I have with these two firecrackers are those stupid glasses. Really. They’re kinda fat, they probably smell like grilled pork and they’re standing on a rug that probably costs more than their cars combined. But they do look carefree and like they’d be a good time in bed. I’m sold. Let’s order lobster bisque up to the room and smear it on each other’s bodies.

The Bad

I guess this is what a costume from a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles themed live gay sex show would look like. Look at this creep. And why is he covering his crotch area? Is there a cut-out there too?

Wow, Pax is all grown up now.

These are the kind of foreign exchange students that your friend invites out to meet your group of friends. At first, you want to be welcoming and show them a good time but inevitably you have to get away cuz they spend all night singing pop songs with an annoying accent and no sense of rhythm. Ra ra ra-ra-ra! Ga ga oh-la-la!

More to come…


Guys With iStyle?

Corey Hart here is at a house party with an older guy with a ponytail. No more needs to be said.

Wearing his aunt’s underpants to hide his receding hairline isn’t so hardcore.

What’s she doing on Guys With iPhones? Haven’t seen her since How Stella Got Her Groove Back.

Ya know, a lot of people would look at this Arab guy and think “wow, he looks like a scary terrorist.” But I think that’s totally unfair because he actually looks more like a dirty Mexican.

For some reason, this was posted sideways. But it’s fine since no one really wants to look at this right-side up anyway. He’s too old to have his shirt open. He’s too old to take pics of himself in a mirror. He’s too old to be posting it on Guys With iPhones. He’s too old to own an iPhone. Not only does he look like a creep on Dateline, this lazy motherfucker spends so much time taking photos of himself, he doesn’t even have time to put in new lightbulbs.

Just because I made a racist joke towards Mexicans and Arabs, I figured I’d post this picture. There comes a time when white people are just way too confident for their own good.

Kanye West doesn’t care about black people.

Guys With iStyle?

So I often peruse Guys With iPhones but I tell people I’m on Ted all day watching environmental talks. Because the last few posts about the style carnage of Guys With iPhones received such a flurry of positive email, I think I’m going to make it a regular thing.

There is just too much men’s style carnage gold on this site. Such as this first one…

So this guy thinks he’s being all thrown together casual with his patterns. The non-chalante position of his hat, the accidental mixing of plaids and checker… The fact that he is setting up a self-portrait but oh shit, there’s a pillbug crawling up the wall at the exact same time he clicks the shutter. Oh, and then don’t forget how he threw in a simple Gucci belt to tone down the whole outfit. He looks like H&M barfed on him.

Where do you even get a tie like this? How do you even look at a tie like this in a store and know exactly what its goal is? And wouldn’t it look like a cricket paddle on the rack? I have a lot of questions.

So Tyler here is trying to be sexy. I get it: the shirtless shot, the demure hand in the pants, the bathroom lighting… It all alludes to fucking. Then I look at that roll of toilet paper and I think about his interior decorator mother finding his crunchy Kleenexes all over the counter in the morning. Is everyone from LA insufferable?

Some people praise Al Gore for his environmental advocacy but I praise this guy for being able to recycle his raver bedspread into a dinner jacket. And to think, he was going to toss that thing.

The t-shirt says it all: get me drunk until my eyes turn into X’s and then have your way with me. He is so hot, I would so barf rainbows.

He looks like the human equivalent of a tiny vagina.

And here is the human equivalant of a giant vagina.

More to come!

Guys With Style?

Another looksee of Guys With iPhones…

The Good

I just think that it’s nice that someone else knows what Butt Magazine is.

Plain t-shirt, great watch, attitude. Points off if those glasses are fake.

Normally, I’d make fun of this but what can I say? 18 year-old bottom boy who keeps his heels on when he’s getting pummeled. He went for a look and achieved it.

College t-shirts are so American Eagle. Real high school t-shirts are totally fabulous.

How to wear a plaid shirt. Absolutely perfect.

Look at you, Mr. Chic! I’d definitely hire you to file.

The Bad

This is the quintessential “I just came out” outfit: inappropriate flip flops, a patterned t-shirt, girls jeans, giant diva sunglasses and a murse. He’s ready to get fuuuuucked.

Who started this scarf thing? No really, who? Who told teenagers and over-the-hill Spanish visual merchandisers that it was okay to wear a frilly scarf like that? People who wear these scarves like this act like it’s a fucking Birkin. Meanwhile, it’s what, 3 for $10 in Chinatown? Kaffiyah-esque scarves are the new pashmina.

Accessories for accessories’ sake? Douche.

“Oh, I got this one in Nepal when I backpacked with Ziggy. And I got this one in Morocco right before I got crabs….”
He’s the posterboy for unemployment insurance.

Some woman in China is having multiple surgeries to look like Jessica Alba. I wonder if he realizes he’s one turned hat away from Mickey.

Nice try, Brent.

Yes, the only girls who would voluntarily fuck you are in Southeast Asia. We get it.

And the ugly

More Guys With iPhones…

If they had saved all the time it took for them to get their hair done for this photo, they would have had enough to take a pottery class.

The colour of that tie is incredible. But again, the fake glasses have got to go.

This is my favourite guy on Guys With iPhones. I love his whole look.

Anne Heche over here is striking is best pose. Walt Disney is rolling in his grave.

If Lady Gaga took a shit, it would look like this.

If Imelda Marcos took a shit, it would look like this.

Guys With No Taste

I’ve been perusing Guys With iPhones lately (NSFW btw) and aside from some of the obvious eye candy, I’m also noticing the style of the subjects. Yes, I’m the guy that looks around the giant erection and checks out the colour of the bathroom towels or the tiling. Thought I’d share some images with my lovely readers:

I love guys in yellow and black Fred Perry polos. And those are pants have a great subtle print.

What a fantastic coat.

Look at this little Environmental Sciences major in his little vintage sweater and tight jeans. He’s smart, cracks a great joke every once in a while and turns off all the lights when he’s not home. Attention-whoring is his only flaw. *sigh*

This guy is super styling but these glasses have got to go.

I kinda like this shirt and the way he has his sleeves rolled up.


I don’t know what’s worst: poppy wallpaper trim or a purple 5-button vest with a matching tie?

Getting a tramp stamp is bad enough but…

Who gave this web designer a Fred Segal credit card?

This guy is so heterosexual, it hurts. I don’t know whether if I want to sleep with him or sleep with him.

Females LOVE gay men. When a girl starts blabbering on and on about how stylish and sensitive gay men are, she definitely has these two in her mind.

More dicks here

%d bloggers like this: