July 28, 3:38 PM – A Wolf in Topman Clothing

by sunnyfong

I can tell from this photograph that this was not only the day I got my luggage back but it’s after The Special Dinner. Too bad you can’t see my really puffy eyes from all the fucking crying!

Anyway, I love these red shorts but they’ve since stretched out in the wash so I need to shrink them or something. Again, I look at photos of some of our Lucca group and I get a little teary-eyed. I miss everyone so much, I feel like there’s an emptiness in my heart that needs to be filled. I will never forget the last day of goodbyes and how rushed it was but I’ll write about that later.

This hill that we’re standing on is very special to me because it’s where 3 of us did a very strange exercise in which we had to talk to ourselves and tell our own story. At first, I thought we were just going to make masks and do some kind of crazy forest dance but there was more to it than just a simple arts and crafts hour. When we came back from break, we were greeted to a pile of colourful materials. We had 15 minutes to make a mask that represented ourselves so I quickly made a grey wolf with a red crest on its forehead. Time was up and we were ushered into small groups into various parts of the villa. I sat with Satenik and Tina on a patch of grass on the hill. We were told to name our masks so I chose “Moonlight.” We were then instructed to conjure up a story to do with our masks. The mask, when worn, would be our other persona.

Chris asked me to put on my mask and to get into character. I tried very hard not to laugh as I was on all fours on a patch of grass howling at the sky. He then asked me to speak to myself. This was my leadership persona speaking back to the “real” Sunny. I asked myself about my leadership skills. I asked how Sunny was neglecting Moonlight. It surprised me how quickly a back-story came out of this exercise….

Moonlight is a leader of the wolf pack. He is the guide of a group of a wolves and his job is to lead them through the forest, go from location to location, gather food and protect the group. Sometimes his wolves fall asleep in the sunshine and lose the group. Sometimes the group doesn’t pitch in to help gather food and some wolves have to go without eating. Sometimes Moonlight has to give up his own ration for the others. Moonlight wants to see his wolf pack become more resilient and outgoing. Moonlight also believes that he sometimes gets taken advantage of because he ends up solving a lot of issues within the group. Sometimes Moonlight needs someone to take over when he has been injured or is too tired to lead. When the other don’t contribute, the whole pack starves and suffers. Moonlight needs Sunny to give him more authority, confidence and leadership. Moonlight needs Sunny to support him in his decisions and to only move on. Sunny also needs to inspire Moonlight to be more assertive.

Then when I completed the story, the other people in the group were in shock. At least, that’s what they said to me after we went back to the building for dinner. I felt liberated and almost lightheaded. Either the elastic band on my mask was too tight or I had some kind of a-ha moment. I had never spoke to myself before as another component of my own personality. It was a strange exercise but I will always remember it. It was a useful activity to bring new perspectives about my own leadership and self-worth.

I think I need to get back into the Moonlight persona at some point. Maybe for Halloween but I was really aiming to be Judge Judy this year.