Star Wars to someone who hasn’t seen it…

by sunnyfong

Okay, before I watch the clip below (already cued up), I’m going to attempt to retell Star Wars even though I’ve never actually seen it.

There is a guy named Hans Solo… He is a son of someone and trained with some kind of master to protect the universe? Or be some kind of galactic warrior, soldier? No idea.

Anyway, Hans Solo was given up by his dad or something and then intergalactic warfare happened. So he sets off to find his dad and to fight… On his travels, he meets C-3PO or whatever his name is. C-3PO and R2D2 are escaped androids from the war?

Uh… He then befriends Carrie Fisher’s character… And they fall in love kinda.. But he never really wants to fuck her because… He traveled backwards in time and she’s really his sister or mother?

And then there’s whoever Harrison Ford is.. Wait, or is that Indiana Jones? I think Harrison Ford is in it.. And him and Chewbacca meet with them.. And the Ewoks try to kill them or something.. And they all get smoked.

And Darth Vader is Hans Solo’s father? And Yoda is some mystical czar or oracle… I have no idea what a death star is.. Is that the planet or a ship? Storm Troopers come and kill stuff. And one Storm Trooper extra hits his head on a ceiling in the background in one of the scenes. I know that.

And Hans Solo eventually faces off with his father, Darth Vader. Who has the dark force or something. And he kills Darth but Darth disappears so he isn’t really sure..

The end? Uh…..

Well, she knows more than me.